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Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005

Subject:I got a job
Time:1:29 am.
I got a job working down at the English pub, it is pretty fun, there is more involved in bartending than I realized. The hours are really shitty, I am just extra help on Saturdays, but it is still a little something to do. There is always something to do, but I get paid to do this, in cash too.
My birthday was Sunday, we went to this Greek restaurant I have wanted to try since the first time I saw it. The food was really good, I had a vegetarian plate, or whatever they called it. It was very good but one thing had a really strange taste, I had never tasted it before but it was still good.
Things have been pretty quiet.
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Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005

Time:12:54 am.
Karse: hello lil girl
oceansofchaos: yea
Karse: so u misses out on halloween
Karse: hella parties
oceansofchaos: we went bar hopping
Karse: me and steph got kicked out of one lastnite
oceansofchaos: what did you do?
Karse: me?
Karse: why does it always have to be me
oceansofchaos: you guys
Karse: so when u comin home u made up ur freckin mind yet or what
oceansofchaos: maybe next fall or spring
Karse: ahh shit
Karse: this spring?
Karse: comin up
oceansofchaos: it goes fall winter spring summer right?
oceansofchaos: so maybe fall or spring
oceansofchaos: cause the fall semester comes first
Karse: well true
Karse: if you have to be enrolled for the fall semester by like mid july
oceansofchaos: yeah
Karse: if i dont make since just go along with it i ate some bars
Karse: and i miss u
oceansofchaos: so you went to see Andrew right? how is he?
Karse: yea hes good
oceansofchaos: thats good
Karse: i told jami u were gonna call him
Karse: good thing i did cuz she had to put your name down or they wouldnt let u
oceansofchaos: is he still at tulsa regional?
Karse: so he was excited u were going to so u might want to sometime soon
Karse: yes
oceansofchaos: I have already talked to him
oceansofchaos: before you went
Karse: oh well thats interesting he said he hasnt talked to u since u left
Karse: and he missed u
oceansofchaos: I called him from my cell phone
oceansofchaos: he talked to me when he had first got into tulsa regional, he kept saying I sounded like I was from New England
oceansofchaos: maybe they have him on too many meds
Karse: well maybe u shd call him again
oceansofchaos: well fuck i wont be home until thursday or friday
Karse: u know honestly i dont think he want to get out and go home
oceansofchaos: i dont either
Karse: i think he has been in those places so long he has adapted to it and feels safe there
oceansofchaos: would you want to go live with that nut cacse of a mother
Karse: he knows whats gonna happen everyday u know.. he has a set routine
oceansofchaos: would you want to go to a hotel in shit sand springs riding in a stolen truck with some ugly bastard with a gun who screams at people through the hotel walls?
oceansofchaos: see your slut of a mother get yelled at and slapped around?
Karse: yea
oceansofchaos: fuck i would take him if i could
Karse: but jami doesnt even try to make it normal
Karse: shes not fuckin normal
oceansofchaos: yeah i know she isnt normal and she doesnt care about anyone but herself
Karse: she didnt even get him out for halloween cuz her and damien were fighting
Karse: u know why they were fightin
oceansofchaos: cause they are stupid?
Karse: i was at stephs she wanted some bud i told her to come over and get it just to come inside i didnt say he couldnt come to but as soon as she knocks on the door hes honkin the horn
Karse: she said he thinks im in here seein a guy hes yellin and freakin out
oceansofchaos: that is bullshit what a psycho
Karse: she wasnt even in there 2 min
oceansofchaos: of course not they are crazy what the hell is she gonna do about the baby on the way?
oceansofchaos: wait a minute she is smoking bud while she is pregnant?
Karse: yea she is smokin bud
Karse: says she will quit month b4 it pops out
oceansofchaos: yeah just so they are both clean in the hospital
oceansofchaos: she is fucking sick is steph doing any better?
oceansofchaos: keep talkin i gotta get some water
Karse: steph is just steph shes gonna party and do her thing until she wants to quit not when ppl tell her to
Karse: weve been hangin out alot
Karse: i mean shes doin better she gets out of the house and stuff im mainly just kissin ass so i can see maddie that little girl has had he head up my ass all week
oceansofchaos: lol atleast she gets out of the house now
Karse: for real if im not there she gets pissed gets stephs phone and tells her to call me she wants to talk
oceansofchaos: lol that girl is a nut
Karse: then all she says is hi luv u bye
oceansofchaos: awww
Karse: and hangs it up
oceansofchaos: lol she just likes the phone
Karse: yea you would be amazed how well she can talk
oceansofchaos: i called the cops once when i was little
oceansofchaos: just to see if they were really there ya know
oceansofchaos: they always told us "call 911" if you need help
oceansofchaos: but would pushing three buttons really do anything? well it did
oceansofchaos: I miss maddie
Karse: yea shes gonna get christmas pics i already told steph i needed some to send to u
oceansofchaos: cool
Karse: she said cool so when we get them il send u some
oceansofchaos: good man it is stressing me out with all this school shit
oceansofchaos: i just want a bachelors degree in accounting you know
Karse: lol dont worry abt it till u get here just have fun with magni while ur there
oceansofchaos: no i want to be enrolled before i come home i am not coming home and wasting time and jacking off i want all the shit to be taken care of
oceansofchaos: yeah you're right though
Karse: well good luck its a long process and you usually have to go up to the school and sign shit and what not
oceansofchaos: I will have two years at TCC to figure out what school I will go to next
oceansofchaos: wel fuck
Karse: yea fun fun
Karse: its real easy tho
oceansofchaos: I am going to take some courses on french and german too
Karse: i just have the problem of waiting till the last min to do everything
oceansofchaos: but not at the same time
Karse: yea that would really fuck u up
oceansofchaos: cause then I will be speaking letzeburgish
oceansofchaos: today was a holiday too so all the shops were closed and all i wanted to do was walk down the street and buy a god damned strawberry tart
oceansofchaos: oh man they are to die for
Karse: what is it
oceansofchaos: I tell you what, I will make you one when I come home
oceansofchaos: I will cook a lot of good shit for you
oceansofchaos: when we have our sleepovers
oceansofchaos: lol
Karse: ok
oceansofchaos: in the winter we can have potato soup, home made
Karse: hell yea
Karse: i went grocery shopin with my mom
Karse: and i found those frozen hashbrowns we always ate
oceansofchaos: lol i miss those but i think they would make me sick now, we ate so many
Karse: i cooked one the other mornin put some mustard on it and thought of u
oceansofchaos: lol you know what I really misS? kraft macaroni and cheese
Karse: hell yea
oceansofchaos: I havent eaten any macaroni and cheese since i left the states
Karse: damn i just had some that lastnight before our wild party we got kicked out of
oceansofchaos: lol why did you guys get kicked out?
oceansofchaos: i dont think you told me
Karse: well it was some ppl taylor knew i guess it was a macaroni grill party
Karse: and matt was there with him matt called me like around 1 and was really shity and me and steph were allready at a lil shindig chillin but we wanted some bud
Karse: so matt found me a blunt from someone at this party and told me to come get it well stephs drunk ass wants to go in and party but taylor and matt were leavin to some chicks house
Karse: so i get drug in there she is all introducin herself bein all loud tryin to find this ashley chich cuz it was her party and steph just wanted to say whatsup
oceansofchaos: oh shit, steph is crazy
Karse: everyone kept sayin shes downstairs shes in the bathroom she went outside we were like walkin in circles cuz this chick was everywhere
oceansofchaos: damn soiunds like you
Karse: steph finally says well where the fuck is this bitch at
Karse: u know just bein us not nothin by it
Karse: well it started some shit
oceansofchaos: uh oh
Karse: cuz the bitch came around the corner
oceansofchaos: oh shit
Karse: lol
Karse: it was some funny shit
oceansofchaos: perfect timing steph
Karse: yea
Karse: but she wasnt tryin to be rude or nothin u know how we talk
oceansofchaos: yeah i know bitch
Karse: some ppl just dont understand
Karse: that was the first time somone really got bad abt bein called that
oceansofchaos: she freaked out?
Karse: yea it was some prissy chick and she got called a bitch at her own party by someone she didnt know
oceansofchaos: oh I see how it is
Karse: it was funny shit so as we walk outside
oceansofchaos: ?
Karse: someone had just got up from these steps ppl had been sitin on chillin outside to find a lighter for her cig
Karse: she left her drink and some keys
Karse: steph jacked someones car keys
oceansofchaos: oh shit
oceansofchaos: steph!
Karse: she said now we are even lets roll
oceansofchaos: lol oh shit
Karse: i was like ah shit its gonna be a long nite
oceansofchaos: some poor bastard had to call a locksmith
Karse: lol pretty funny huh
oceansofchaos: yep that girl is crazy
oceansofchaos: hey when is my sisters baby due?
oceansofchaos: she is like 4 or 5 months now?
Karse: april somtin
oceansofchaos: i wonder if i will be back by then
Karse: i hope
oceansofchaos: i hope she doesnt dump this kid off on my parents
Karse: would they even go for that
oceansofchaos: but i hope she takes care of it i dont know if it keeps one person from turning out just like her they might but i doubt it
Karse: there to old for that shit
oceansofchaos: yeah that bitch needs her tubes tied
Karse: i try not to talk to her abt shit
Karse: i just give her her merchandise when she calls
oceansofchaos: you know sometimes I think we never should have even tried to "save her" from Todd
oceansofchaos: lol
oceansofchaos: you should grind up some abortion pills in her bud next time
Karse: lol im not wastin money on a whore
oceansofchaos: true
Karse: she will just do it again
oceansofchaos: yeah i know that bitch needs her tubes tied
oceansofchaos: or to get back on dope
oceansofchaos: or to go shoot herself in the face
oceansofchaos: hey i have to tell you about this dream i had it is too crazy
oceansofchaos: ok it started out at magnis parents house, him and his stepdad were going somewhere, i think to denmark but im not sure, so magnis brother and one of his friends drove me home (to my parents) but it didnt look anything like magnis brother does in real life
oceansofchaos: and i got home and you called me and told me to come over
oceansofchaos: so i went to your house and your truck was in the front yard and i was leaning up against it, your front door was open but you and your mom were arguing
oceansofchaos: then you guys come walking through the front yard and back into the house
oceansofchaos: then your mom comes back outside and goes to the back yard and I yell "6000 miles and I dont get a fucking hello?"
oceansofchaos: you told me about some party and to meet you there and left, and i told gulli and his friend about it and they drove off leaving me!
oceansofchaos: are you reading this?
Karse: yea
oceansofchaos: k
oceansofchaos: well i was going to walk home (it is night time too dark) but all these people from school were standing in the middle of the street and I couldnt get through
oceansofchaos: michael jackson was there with some cheerleader and crystal peterson and ryan o daniel were there, i think a football game had just got out or something but i dont know why they were there
oceansofchaos: and then lights from a cop car come around the corner and everyone starts running and I realize I have no shirt on
Karse: lol
oceansofchaos: so I hide in the bushes of the lady with the nice yard and hope the cops dont see me
oceansofchaos: then i try to run home but instead run into a clothing store and grab a shirt to put on while the cops drive by
oceansofchaos: then me you and my sister are at a store shopping
oceansofchaos: and then we come back to your house and rachel mccoy, remember her, her locker was always next to mine, takes all the hangars and puts them on a shelf that says 4 4 1/2 5 5 1/2 etc
oceansofchaos: then me and you are looking out the front door and you tell me you talked to one of the powell twins i dotn remember which one
oceansofchaos: and he was looking for dope cause he was all strung out with, get this, Keanu Reeves
Karse: your fucked up
oceansofchaos: then my sister comes and is standing behind us and says "have you seen todd around anywhere?" and I say no why is he calling you again?
oceansofchaos: and she says "yeah" and we were like "oh shit"
oceansofchaos: she said that he had called her and said he got into some good money now selling dope to Keanu Reeves
oceansofchaos: so me and you decide to walk to my house but I dont know why
Karse: interesting u always have the most fucked up dreams
oceansofchaos: and we were walking down the street, towards coltrane's, and then we are like "oh look there is one of the powell twins" but we couldnt remember which one it was
oceansofchaos: then there is a house with the garage door open and there is like a ferrari in it ad nice cars and we are like oh shit so we run to my house and all these nice cars keep driving by real slow
oceansofchaos: and I was banging on the bathroom door for my dad to get out of the shower, when I woke up
oceansofchaos: what the fuck does that mean?
Karse: um im not sure what any if this means
Karse: hopefully none of it will ever come true
oceansofchaos: yeah i know
Karse: i dont want to hear abt todd
oceansofchaos: me neither
oceansofchaos: but you know what? if he gets paroled he will be out before either one of us even have a masters degree
Karse: yea thats not good
Karse: sometimes u have to get the hell away
Karse: u know what i mean
oceansofchaos: yeah i know but the question is will he forget about jami and all the bullshit or will he try to get revenge because he thinks she is the one who ratted him out and that automatically somehow includes us
oceansofchaos: well go turn in your paper i will talk to ya later
Karse: k luv ya
Karse: bye
oceansofchaos: love ya too
oceansofchaos: bye bye
Karse has signed out. (11/2/2005 12:54 AM)
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Sunday, October 16th, 2005

Subject:Clint Eastwood
Time:9:40 pm.
Ahem. So I am bored again. We got a pet snake about two weeks ago and he is beautiful. He is a snow corn snake, I love albinos, he is all flesh colored and yellow and pink too. His name is Clint Eastwood, it is a stupid name I know but after watching one of the Back to the Future movies it seemed like an okay idea. He eats baby mice, I haven't seem him do it yet but I have seen the bumps it leaves in his body, kinda funky. He shed his skin last night which is a good thing I think. The guy at the pet store said he had just shed his skin before we bought him, so he must be growing. He kinda freaks me out sometimes though, when he is all sidewinding on the couch because he isn't sure how he should move around on it, but he is cool. Magni is going to Rotterdam tonight to deliver some cars and then tomorrow afternoon me and him and his brother and parents are going to Munich to watch his oldest brother get married. I hate Germany. But oh well. Magni's coworker is going to come by our apartment and check the temperatures of the snake and to make sure he didn't escape overnight. After he shed his skin last night Magni and I went out and then when we got back the skin was in the cage but no snake. He was in our bedroom curled up in the corner, then later that night we found him curled up behind the chest of drawers we have his cage on in the entryway, and then the next morning we found him behind our closet/armoire thing. He is a sneaky little bastard, but I think we sufficiently escape-proofed it this time. Hopefully he will be happy just chilling out underneath his tree but in case he does get out we shut every door that leads out of the entryway and I put a blanket in the corner with his big cave on top of it so if he does get out he should stay warm and be easy to find. Sneaky little bastard.
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Wednesday, September 28th, 2005

Subject:god damn it
Time:9:17 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
Karse: hey bitch
Karse: hello
oceansofchaos: hey you
oceansofchaos: sorry i was eating
oceansofchaos: how you doin? I love you
Karse: stuffin that face huh
oceansofchaos: not exactly
Karse: i just got out of class
oceansofchaos: and did you learn anything?
Karse: na just took a quiz
oceansofchaos: oh
Karse: so your sis told u what happened
Karse:well prob not the whole story
oceansofchaos: about andrew?
oceansofchaos: probably not the whole story of what?
Karse: her goin to the hospital
oceansofchaos: oh and the bleeding?
Karse: i just got off the phone with her
Karse: yea
oceansofchaos: what is the whole story?
Karse: well the fucked up thing is
oceansofchaos: what?
Karse: the girls at her work wouldnt let her drive so i took her and damien was suppost to meet her at work for lunch
Karse: well the girls told him what happened and where she was at
Karse: he never showed up
oceansofchaos: so did she leave him?
Karse: she called his grandmas and left a message with my number we were there from 10:30 to almost 5 he finally calls at like 4:45
Karse: and no hows the baby are u ok he says so u and the whore been out runin around all day i hope u had fun
oceansofchaos: oh shit, just like curtis
oceansofchaos: I hope she leaves his ass
oceansofchaos: i hope you cussed him out for calling you that
Karse: fuck no she didnt leave him they came over to jons later that night for dinner and she had a bruise on her arm cuz he threw a shoe at her and said she was lieing
oceansofchaos: god damn it kassie you always give me bad news
oceansofchaos: i bet you he didnt throw a shoe at her either
Karse: well what was the bruise from
Karse: him hitting her?
oceansofchaos: he probably grabbed her and jerked her around
oceansofchaos: only a woman throws a shoe
Karse: yea u didnt hear that side of the story did ya
oceansofchaos: fuck no she knows better
oceansofchaos: we were just starting to talk again
oceansofchaos: and now i gotta go tell her off
Karse: no dont do that
Karse: just go along with her side of the story
Karse: she knows u dont like him from the e mail u sent her today
oceansofchaos: yeah
oceansofchaos: i already told her he is no good
oceansofchaos: about 8 THOUSAND times
Karse: i told her if she left him id get an apt with her and help her out
oceansofchaos: really?
oceansofchaos: you better have a lot of money
oceansofchaos: cause she isnt good at paying forthings
Karse: she has a job
oceansofchaos: so
oceansofchaos: she will spend her money on new clothes dope and tongue rings before she pays her electricity
oceansofchaos: did you forget i used to live with her?
Karse: i can get an apt where dan used to live with a student discount its 309 plus elec
oceansofchaos: damn that is so cheap
Karse: no i just feel sorry for her and the whole baby thing
oceansofchaos: that is a big apartment too
oceansofchaos: i think.....
Karse: yea
oceansofchaos: i dont really remember
Karse: and its a nice area
oceansofchaos: our place is 750 a month plus electricity
Karse: damn thats alot u can rent a house for that much
oceansofchaos: fuck, not here
Karse: ericas house was only 650 a month and it was nice
oceansofchaos: yeah it was, damn
oceansofchaos: but people make more money here too
oceansofchaos: the minimum wage is just under 1500
Karse: thats damn good
oceansofchaos: well that is a month
Karse: and they say america has the best economy and what not
oceansofchaos: but still when i worked as a nurses aide I was only making around 800 a month
oceansofchaos: no they dont
oceansofchaos: lol
Karse: thats what their tryin to say damit
oceansofchaos: the british pound is worth more than the american dollar
Karse: thats funny
Karse: u were makin 800 as a nurses aide while goin to school
oceansofchaos: yeah but i was working full time
oceansofchaos: i had 8 hour shifts 5 days a week
Karse: see i wanna take nite classes in the winter so i can work full time
oceansofchaos: one time they worked me 7 days in a row
Karse: and get the fuck out of here
Karse: me and kilo
Karse: u should see her now shes freckin huge
Karse: almost 35 pounds
oceansofchaos: cool
oceansofchaos: how old is she now?
Karse: 5 months
oceansofchaos: damn
oceansofchaos: i think her and dotty could be good friends if dotty wasnt psycho
Karse: yea
Karse: jami was tellin her your comin home
Karse: your mom was like we havent told her yet till we know for sure
oceansofchaos: no one was supposed to tell her!
oceansofchaos: I want to surprise her
Karse: like she freckin knows
oceansofchaos: lol
oceansofchaos: she does, she knows my name
Karse: na bitch u left her
oceansofchaos: dont make me feel bad
oceansofchaos: i miss her so much
Karse: u know i think that would be the hardest thing to do is leave my dogs
oceansofchaos: it is they dont understand why you are gone they think you just said "fuck off" and left
Karse: yep she will be so happy when u come back
oceansofchaos: i know
oceansofchaos: do me a favor will you?
Karse: whats that
oceansofchaos: when I KNOW for sure when i am coming back.... dont tell my sister
oceansofchaos: I AM SERIOUS
Karse: lol
Karse: why
oceansofchaos: I dont want to see her
oceansofchaos: or damiens bitch ass
Karse: what
Karse: dont u think your mom will tell her
oceansofchaos: you never know, i might start having baseball bat flashbacks...
oceansofchaos: and get it right this time
Karse: lol
oceansofchaos: no because i will tell my mom not to tell
Karse: go for it
oceansofchaos: and have her tell my dad not to tell and my brother not to say anything just in case she gets a wild hare up her ass and talks to him
oceansofchaos: I am going to e mail her and tell her not to talk to me until she has enough self respect to not be with a man who treats her like shit and takes her for a liar
oceansofchaos: i dont give a fuck if she is pregnant, i dont feel sorry for her, i am sure he didnt rape her
Karse: well word it in a way that i didn't tell u all this shit
oceansofchaos: lol I will e mail her more about the hospital
oceansofchaos: ask her what they said what did damien say was he there etc
Karse: cuz i dont want to hear abt it
oceansofchaos: yeah i know
oceansofchaos: stupid asshole men never let anything go
Karse: its easier for u to read an e mail but i have to hear it
oceansofchaos: but my god if I could get away with it, I would beat the shit out of him
Karse: u can just do it b 4 u go back
oceansofchaos: she really fucked up
oceansofchaos: lol damien would choke my scrawny ass
oceansofchaos: and i dont want to touch him
Karse: not with magni right there
oceansofchaos: i cant have magni getting in trouble over there
oceansofchaos: and if damien touched me magni would react
Karse: yea it would be fun watchin magni beat the shit out of him though
oceansofchaos: no i dont want to think about that
oceansofchaos: but maybe
oceansofchaos: magni and john can sneak up on her and damiens cozy little campsite
oceansofchaos: choke his ass and drag him out to the woods
oceansofchaos: beat him up
oceansofchaos: spray paint nigger lover across his chest so they think it was drunk rednecks who attacked him and leave him
oceansofchaos: I think it is oklahoma
Karse: lol maybe
oceansofchaos: living there fucks with their heads makes em stupid
Karse: well theres nothin else to do but start shit and do drugs
oceansofchaos: and get drunk
oceansofchaos: magni came home so drunk yesterday
oceansofchaos: he could barely hold his eyes open i was pissed
oceansofchaos: he fucked up my good day you know
Karse: why
oceansofchaos: i woke up and took pictures of the birds that come to the birdfeeder and i took the dogs on a long walk around all these big ponds i read a book, i dontknow i was having a good day
oceansofchaos: and then he came up the stairs wobbling with a beer in his hand, could barely talk, and couldnt hold his eyes open for anything. and when he is drunk he doesnt want to hear "you are drunk" "you should not drive like this" "you could have been in an accident" and he can be an asshole, so i was pissed
Karse: lol
Karse: so was he bein an asshole
oceansofchaos: he isnt mean he just wont listen
oceansofchaos: he says:
oceansofchaos: no, he slurrs:
oceansofchaos: " 'ey! I donwan 'ear that"
oceansofchaos: I told him how much it upsets me though and i wished he didnt drink so much
oceansofchaos: he hasnt had one beer today
oceansofchaos: and usually he has one for breakfast, after lunch, and before dinner
oceansofchaos: and after dinner
Karse: well see at least he doesnt have an anger problem
Karse: just a drinkin problem
oceansofchaos: yeah but i dont like drinking problems
oceansofchaos: my dad comes home from work everyday and sits on the couch and has a beer
oceansofchaos: and when i see magni wake up in the morning and sit on the couch and have a beer...
oceansofchaos: it is like this little alarm goes off and says "run the fuck away!"
Karse: him and your dad would get along
oceansofchaos: yeah i hope so
oceansofchaos: his littlest smartest daughter is shackin up with this 25 year old that he has met twice
oceansofchaos: lol
oceansofchaos: tell me something good
oceansofchaos: i am pissed off now
Karse: um the fair starts tomorrow
oceansofchaos: damn and i wont be there
Karse: im goin to get my mega pass today i wish u were here to ride with me
oceansofchaos: lol me too
Karse: u know we didnt even go once last year we were so fucked up
oceansofchaos: what were we doing?
oceansofchaos: i know i was working
Karse: ericas house
oceansofchaos: oh yeah
oceansofchaos: lol
Karse: thats all i have to say
oceansofchaos: was i there? in september?
Karse: hell yea we were goin to school but still getin fucked u[
oceansofchaos: I can hardly remember the last year
Karse: remember drawin the devil for me in my creative journal
oceansofchaos: umm....no
oceansofchaos: the devil?
Karse: yea
oceansofchaos: did he have a round head like a south park kid and horns?
oceansofchaos: oh no he had a long face and a stalin beard
oceansofchaos: now i remember i think
oceansofchaos: i remember sitting at her table trying to write bullshit in our journals so we would get a good grade
oceansofchaos: pretty sneaky how we used them for creative writing AND english class
oceansofchaos: "no ma'am I made up these topics"
oceansofchaos: fuck high school was such a joke
oceansofchaos: if they want to stop teen pregnancy, stop high school!
Karse: that is true
oceansofchaos: and where did we eat thanksgiving dinner?
oceansofchaos: oh shit i was working on thanksgiving
Karse: i ate at my sis house i got my appendix takin out like 3 days before
oceansofchaos: oh yeah you were all fucked up
Karse: u know the doc prescribed that lil bitch steph some bars
oceansofchaos: oh shit
oceansofchaos: why? you cant give bars to crackheads
Karse: i dont know erica was tellin me that today
oceansofchaos: that is what screwed her up in the first place
Karse: aint that fucked up
oceansofchaos: hell yeah it is
Karse: now shes gonna be really out of her mind
oceansofchaos: i cant believe nick is doing it too
oceansofchaos: good god why do they give out so many pills here?
Karse: and takes quite a bit of them
Karse: i dont know but i wish i got some to
oceansofchaos: you know magni doesnt even know what a xanax bar is?
Karse: oh shit
Karse: well thats good
oceansofchaos: yeah its bittersweet, I bet the gaucamole is good and fuzzy now
Karse: yuck
oceansofchaos: and the meat in the freezer.....ugh
oceansofchaos: I just want to dump everything out the window and spray it out with a fire hose filled with bleach
oceansofchaos: god damn my sister
Karse: u crazy bitch
oceansofchaos: please tell me she isnt still shoplifting?
oceansofchaos: you know, that bitch is pregnant every four months it seems
Karse: i dont know if she is or not
oceansofchaos: i hope not
oceansofchaos: she is a dumb bitch, how the fuck can she be my sister?
Karse: hey lets not get all bad again
Karse: damit calm down
oceansofchaos: yeah yeah i know
Karse: k well im gonna go get this pass and prob wait in line all nite
oceansofchaos: lol probly
Karse: so il talk to ya lata
oceansofchaos: yeah I will talk to you too, I dont know when though, we get our phone lines on the 4th
oceansofchaos: but i am still not sure about the internet, I think we got the wrong thing
oceansofchaos: they do it different here
Karse: well damit bitch
Karse: dont go 2 weeks without talkin to me
oceansofchaos: ok I will give you our new phone number too it is on the paper at home, lol it has an 8 in it
oceansofchaos: that is all i know
Karse: oh shit
Karse: well e mail it to me before u go back over there
Karse: il get a card when i get paid friday
oceansofchaos: ok
Karse: love ya bye
oceansofchaos: love ya too
oceansofchaos: adios
Karse: has signed out. (9/28/2005 9:52 PM)
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:5:46 pm.
Mood: awake.
ok now that I have gotten the website out of Icelandic I can write here. The past two weeks have been weird. Our electricity got shut off because of a little cultural misunderstanding and then Magni went to Belguim for work, came back Friday night, we went to our favorite restaurant Chinois, had some good food and drink, besides the saki, that is not good drink. He was supposed to be up between 4 and 5 to go to England but he overslept. The next day he got a call to go to Helsinki. He got back yesterday drunk as a sailor and pissed me off and ruined my good day. He said he won't drink that much anymore and today he was talking about going for a week without drinking, not even one beer. He hasn't had one so far but I don't know how long he will go. I don't care that he drinks, I just don't like when he gets drunk, he doesn't do that often but when he does he does it good. We went to the Luxemburgish commune today to get the electricity back on so it will be nice to go home. They are going to install the phone lines next week but we still aren't sure if we ordered the right thing, they do things a little differently here. Um, let's see...I read two books and they were pretty good. I had never read anything from an English writer before, it's a little different, especially when they start talking about lorries and what-not. One was based on a true story about some chick who went to prison for stealing a hat, then she got transported and was among the first colonists of Australia and then her and eight men and her two children escaped. The book started out boring but it turned out to be not that bad, it was called Remember Me. The other book I read, Atonement was okay but it took forever, it would dedicate three full pages to describing the light on the grass that morning or something but it wasn't that bad of a read. It is strange I could have flown home on Monday if I wanted to. I don't really want to though. I have my ups and downs here but I really think I can be happy here. I am still looking for a job though, that part sucks, and I am almost a week past needing to have an extended stay visa so hopefully we can go sort that out soon, we have to go to the embassy anyway for him to go back to Tulsa. I am so excited to see my dog again. Yeah I miss my family and friends but they know where I am and why I left. She doesn't, I am just gone, and I feel really bad for that cause she is the most loyal dog I have ever seen.
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Thursday, July 21st, 2005

Subject:now i see
Time:9:05 pm.
seems my last entry was last year. well ok here is an update. i am in luxembourg, which is not germany, it is a small pretty little country in between france and germany, i am in the southern part so either country is a ten minute drive away. um... i am here with my boyfriend, i am very happy, i like it here a lot, i am adjusting well, the weather is nice, and i hopefully do not have to go back to the united states until i plan it you know visas and what not.
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Time:8:50 pm.
Mood: amused.
i have a new nephew, pretty cool huh? today was a pretty good day. i finally got malcolms mansion in the sims game i have been stuck on, which really didnt take too long. went to germany and ate turkish food (i think) it was damn good. magni and i helped his mom transfer her turtles to a bigger aquarium, we built them a nice little turtle beach, and we took the dogs for a nice walk, it isnt warm outside but it isnt cold so it is really really bueno. dinner was very good it was smoked __________ (insert icelandic word here) some kind of fish from the north sea that is typical of an icelandic main course. Oli asked me if ithought they ate weird things, but really i think its pretty good, i love fish. And the typical Icelandic meal is fish and boiled potatoes and the potatoes i never thought i would like because we never boil our potatoes unless we are going to mash them of course but its really good, and they dont boil the big thick skinned long potatoes that we do they use the smaller lighter colored variety, and its really good cause the skin is thin enough it isnt tough or chewy like the ones at home. there i go talking about food, now I am hungry and there´s an Icelandic brand of chocolate called Sirius that blows Hersheys away! well i think i am off to take a shower and what not. ciao
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Saturday, August 7th, 2004

Time:4:33 pm.
I pretty much just got on this to see if my account still existed. but since i am here and it doesnt happen often.... today has been fucked up it has been like a bitchy day all day long the lady from activities [the overly nice one] interrupted me 5 times while i was working, for coffee and then twice for thickener. blah. james was not at work so that was cool. coworkers are really strange. I think , well, I am pretty sure that i am putting on weight, i have a little area in front that is a little more than it should be. so i get to start doing lower abdominal crunches and start jogging. which means i will be more tired than i already am but maybe it will be good for me. Magni left a week and two days ago and he is so happy to be home. i am happy for him but i really miss him. sometimes i dont think he understands me. but i have a good future, it's in the cards. i haven't really been getting fucked up as often as i used to but now when i do it I do it very well. but i havent done anything stupid. i think i need to stop though because i have gotten to the point where i just dont feel happy with anything. I dont know what the fuck is wrong with me.
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Thursday, June 10th, 2004

Subject:cyclical motion
Time:3:37 am.
why does history have to repeat itself in such short spans? and what does everything mean? does it mean anything? I have had almost the same conversation two nights in a row with two different people and I hate to sound superstitious but what are the horoscope writers trying to tell me? is there something I am not getting? or something I know that I am too stubborn or fearful to acknowledge? I can't decide I guess I will find out in a month or so and if not I will find out in a year. do I really have what it takes? am I the only one doubting me, and why? I wish I had all the answers but I guess that is what life is all about, it really is a garden as the stupid cliche goes, there is a time for growth and a time for decay, but I feel like I am doing both at once, I am not sure what is going on or what I should do, but hey, that's the story of my life.
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Wednesday, May 12th, 2004

Time:3:22 pm.
things were going good for a while. todd got out of jail and went to a drug rehab program. then got a work release from there and while he was working ran away. he keeps calling and my sis left her boyfriend the same weekend that he started calling. i dont know what to think about her she seems like she is really starting to change but she is also acting kind of strange. I am supposed to get a car today. a standard. so i have to learn how to drive a stick by this weekend hopefully i can get my license this friday. school is almost out so i guess that is a good thing. that means i can work more.
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Saturday, April 10th, 2004

Time:1:50 am.
i have had a lot on my mind all day but i dont feel like typin any of it. i have gotten lazy in my old age, no not really i am just very tired. lately i have felt bitter towards a lot of things and i dont quite know why but i could guess. i wanted to update this some more but now i wont cause there is just too much shit to do and even though NOT doing this isnt gonna speed up the getting done of other things I don't really think i want to do this. or maybe I will. i need to writem to physucally write, fuck this typing shit. i need to do a lot of things actually.
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Subject:free time
Time:12:51 am.
Mood: stressed.
I got a new job and it's cool but i have been surrounded by people constantly it seems. i havent had any time for anything it kinda sucks. and being around a lot of people reminds me more of how much i hate people, or certain types of people, and then I see people who aren't pathetic, who have the potential to be very self-disciplined and very intelligent and they dont apply themselves, and i cant help but wonder who is worse? or is everything just worse? it is like the bar keeps lowering the higher we get. society is disgusting.
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Thursday, March 18th, 2004

Time:7:38 am.
good morning :)
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Time:1:44 am.
and now I suffer the foul consequences of my actions.
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Sunday, March 14th, 2004

Subject:this sucks
Time:2:23 am.
Mood: drunk.
i am going to prom this year. I never wanted to go and then one day i decided i did and now i am going, I am taking Magnus and my parents know and all of that. I got my dress yesterday but right now I dont even feel like I want to go. I dont know what is wrong with me. I dont know if it's cause i am a girl or cause i am just fucked up. I guess iwill never know. but something isnt right. went to the movies today and saw Starsky and Hutch it was really funny, Magnus went with us and I dont know why but for some reason I felt sort of distant from him. actually I felt like he was distant from me but I know it was the other way around because it was me being a pain in the ass. sometimes i think i am not meant to be in a relationship. I have no reason to not trust him but for some reason I dont. and I dont think it is intuition or anything like that. i think iam broken ot something. like i have bveen fucked over too many times by other guys that i CANT trust anyone now. i dont evern trust members of my own family. i AM fucked up i guess.
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Tuesday, February 24th, 2004

Subject:I am one fucked up individual
Time:6:15 pm.
Mood: gloomy.
today sucks. my back has hurt all day. blah. I got a new ball thing for my rat so she can run around on the floor in it and my dogs cant eat her, it's pretty cool, she chases the cat. Saw Magni today. beginning to wonder what and where do i want to be in the future? What are my options? maybe there is somewhere else I should be. a different locale who knows. everything is fuzzy right now and I see the error in making long term plans so I am going to stop doing that right now. so who gives a fuck about the future right? well not exactly. Magni leaves in like two weeks. or something like that. so I guess I will have a lot of time to myself. which is good. I am hoping everything works out but I am not sure if it will, I dont know everything. but I do know I dont want another relationship. not for a very long time. like a year or two. and no random fucks either I cant deal with that either. it must be nice to be a guy, they dont have to "deal with it" they just do it and who gives a fuck. but oh well I have to go now. adios.
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Sunday, January 4th, 2004

Time:4:40 pm.
Mood: peaceful.
libraries are so quiet. shhhhh! I am so bored. I guess these things happen. the man at the table in front of mine has a hot pink coat across the back of his chair. I wonder if it is his? maybe it was there when he arrived? maybe he is doing laundry and is forced to wear his wife's. I dont really know. jail systems do not keep their photo files updated. I have a new member in mi famille. interesting huh? yeah shit happens. I am bored I was hoping to see my "boyfriend" (still not used to that word) tonight but my sis says she isnt doing shit and I cant depends on kass so I dont think I will be seeing him. He goes home in just a little over 3 months. I am gonna miss him very much but he claims he is coming back and taking me to europe with him. I wish I had a pic I could post of him. He is very attractive. Just a bit taller than me with blue/green eyes brown hair, a nice build, and a HOT accent. he is originally from Iceland but now he lives in Luxemburg. I dont know how the fuck he ended up in this shit town but he is here for school. He is going to be an A&P Mechanic. But......We will see what happens now, won't we? I am not making any plans because when plans get made they always get fucked up. So if I dont make plans then there is nothing to get fucked up, right? Sí. oh yeah, my nephew's birthday is today, he is 4 now. I almost forgot. We had his party last night cause his mom wanted him today or somethin like that. He is a cute kid, I thought he was never gonna be done opening presents and I finally got to see the end of Finding Nemo. oh yeah I got a fish too. his name was Cesár Nero, but his nickname was Tony. yes WAS the little shit died already which was actually quite sad he was so cute he was a goldfish that was white and orange but he wouldnt eat and i think that may have had something to do with why he died I dont know I had never had a fish before but he was a cute little guy.
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Thursday, January 1st, 2004

Time:7:49 pm.
Happy New Year.
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Monday, December 22nd, 2003

Time:6:32 pm.
i am here and there. i have given up on relationships of the past and have sort of started a new. it is a unique relationship i suppose, I am happy with it though, quite happy. not much goin on. drinkin again, good stuff. havin a lot of fun again AND managing to keep my grades up, seem to have forgotten how to type but i guess these things happen. havent been able to write anything in a long time, nothing i feel worth writing about but whatever, bored, hot, fuzzy, adios
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Monday, November 3rd, 2003

Time:4:40 pm.
konichiwa. went to an awesome halloween bash last friday, it was fun, the band sucked, but thank god [metaphorically of course] there was a dj. I will be 17 in 17 days. I guess that is a good thing. school is....uh, school. I made A's in all my classes but 1 so I guess that is good. I got new jeans they make me happy. I'm really bored. just burning a cd. waiting. waiting. idly passing the time. blah.
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